Rainbow of Flowers 

Roses

Carnations 

Sunflower

Venus Fly-traps 

Forget-Me-Notes

Wisteria

A Treasure at a Goodwill

Walking through the endless isles of forgotten possessions and cheap knick-knacks, I wasn't expecting to find anything of value in the Goodwill store. Goodwill is definitely not a department store, no matter how hard you try to look at it. Many of the clothes are out of style or worn in, Halloween items are cheap quality and could break within days of buying it, and, let's face it- the sanitary conditions of these stores are quite questionable. There is a reason they have hand sanitizer disposers posted at the entrance. Sometimes, however, you may find gold when sifting through this sandy, dirty store.  You could find a sweater that isn't as raggedy as the one next to it that you may be able to wear out of the house. You could find an old VCR tape of the Golden Girls show that you think a relative might enjoy. Whatever tickles your fancy.

For me, my gem came from something I was quite surprised to discover. I had found myself walking into the back of the store where a pile of notebooks were scattered about on a lower shelf. One of these notebooks caught my eye as the cover was decorated with little flowers. I had been surprised to find someone's writing in it. The first page read:

"If I were more infinite, perhaps
The space you left would not seem so forlorn
Or if your gentle glance were not enmeshed
Within my living heart I could endure

 But I, unaware of your transience,

Erected monuments of you--
Your walk, your silhouette, you gracious smile
In unconscious plea to hungry gods"

The line underneath was scribbled out. The rest was left unwritten.

It made me really think about the person behind this prose. I wondered if they even knew they gave this notebook away that had writing in it. I tried to imagine who they could be- if they were a young poet writing out ideas or if they were an elderly person with a hobby. Was this about someone they loved? Whoever they are or were, they definitely changed my view of the Goodwill.

Some treasures you need to get dirty and start digging.

Letter to a Friend in a Bad Place

I've been worried about you a lot lately.

I know, I'm also the type of person who doesn't want to press your own issues onto someone else, I get it. But, you've been in a dark place for a while now. I remember a while back you seeked me out for help and I hadn't known the severity of the situation. I never knew the real reason why you were depressed. I wish I had known. You kept your secrets in a locked box and it took someone else, not you, to finally hand me the key. For that, I'm sorry. Part of me wishes I was still clueless but it is a burden I am willing to carry for you. It's a burden I want to help you carry, if you let me.

The worst part is that you don't know that I know your secret.  I don't want to break your trust by telling you but you are already breaking inside. I don't want to sit back and wait for you to tell me yourself. I don't know how long that will take.

It is such a helpless feeling. I want to do everything for you but I feel like I can't do anything at all. I hate facing the facts.

He hurts you. You're hundreds of miles away. I want to give you a hug. I can't. And I'm sorry.

Love,
Your Helpless Friend

School Stress And My Mental Mess

At the very beginning of the summer, I managed to finally tidy up my room after putting my "spring cleaning" off for so long due to focusing on my studies in school (so it was more like summer cleaning?). My room, after many hours of clearing out my closet of childhood belongings and sorting through piles among piles of clothing, had become clean enough to my standards. I found satisfaction in my efforts to organize my room and was determined to keep it in its immaculate state. The end of summer creeped up on me, however, and summer work loomed overhead. All I could think about were the upcoming responsibilities I would have throughout the year. Just thinking about going to school was stressful. I put all my mental focus into mentally and literally (completing all my summer work) prepare for school. My mind became a stressed out, anxious mess. By the time summer ended, my room reverted back into its previously chaotic state. All of my energy was transferred to my school work. It later occurred to me that the current state of my room is an accurate reflection of my state of mind: a hot mess.